aaaah the romance... and then...

The beach, the sand, the waves, the palm trees, the cool ocean breeze, the sunset over the water... can you think of anything more romantic? (well, yeah, but that'll come later)

Now, romance is one of those things that people always talk about (ooh, i want my wedding to be romantic, i want this to be romantic, ooh how romantic, man, wasn't that romantic?), and by people of course i mean women. A man's idea of romance is probably more along the lines of a girl wearing something skimpy with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other (i'm not saying that's me but i'm just saying...).

For the sake of this argument, let's examine closer one of the most "romantic" things that people (read: women) think of: a sunset on the beach.
First of all, i was recently watching an episode of "Average Joe" which consequently they shoot all the yacht scenes here at the Marina (Del Rey for the LA people), and there was a "romantic" date where they were watching a sunset. OK, i actually live here... so when i say this, i know what i'm talking about. There are a few points to address here:
1) It's too freaking cold to be anywhere near the water.
2) Sex in the sand means you'll get sand in... all kinds of places.
3) Did i mention that it's cold in the water? If you got splashed any time during the day or night, and you were a man... you would encounter what i refer to as "shy turtle syndrome"

And now to the reality of the romance. People (read: women) think that the sunset would be so romantic, but let me illustrate the reality of that particular situation. What happens one minute after the sun goes down? That's right, it's DARK. You can't see shit, and you can only hear waves that seem to get closer and closer to you until, SPLASH! and it's shy turtle city! Also, that's when bugs and various crabs that hang out on the beach go looking for warm places to chill for the night (read: my buttcrack).

Let's recap, we're now in the dark, we're cold, wet, there's sand everywhere, and now crabs pinching my thighs trying to get to my nether-regions, and i can't find my damn car keys...
If by romance, you mean crappiness? Then yes, sunsets on the beach are VERY romantic.

Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

You know how on commercials for shampoo they show people washing their hair in a waterfall? Well that's bullshit cuz the waterfall would knock you on your ass.