What's blue and fits in my pants?

Why... Smurfs of course!

Paramount Pictures has acquired the rights to the tribe of small, blue-tinted characters created by Belgian cartoonist Peyo and propelled to worldwide fame in the early 1980s through a hit US television series.

The top Tinseltown studio is planning a 3-D computer-generated animated Smurf feature film that will form part of a trilogy of "Smurf" movies, the first of which is slated for release in 2008, Daily Variety said.

Now, i'm as much in favor of a smurf movie as the next guy (provided the next guy grew up watching the smurfs and had 30 smurf figurines, even though he could never get his hands on a damn "ho" smurf er, smurfette), but there's a few bones i have to pick with the idea of making this particular movie.
I mean, 3-d smurfs? Does that mean we're gonna get to see some smurfette boobies? (which also begs the question, are they gonna issue 3-d glasses at the door?)
Smurfette is an enigma. She's the only female smurf in the entire world of smurfs. This leads to one of three distinct possibilities:
1) She is the mother of all smufs (literally)
2) She is the only daughter to a father who's wife died at some point in the past, leaving the future of the smurf race on her shoulders
3) There were tons of other female smurfs at one point, but smurfette, being the vein bitch that she is, needed to have all the love and affection for herself, and brutally murdered all the other female smurfs (perhaps she hired papa smurf to kill them all, and in the process, he stained his pants and cap)

What's the coolest thing about being a smurf?
If you're not papa smurf, or smurfette, your name is determined by your personality traits, physical attributes, or the way you behave.
For example:
lazy smurf, sleepy smurf, retarded smurf, slighly fruity smurf, obese smurf, mooch smurf, army smurf, likes to dress up like he's in the army but he's actually not smurf, etc...
As a side note, i'm pretty sure that all of the 7 dwarfs started as smurfs seeing how their names are all indicitave of their traits, and then were cast out for being too, er... light skinned

The only other difference between smurfs and the seven dwarves? The seven dwarves wear shirts. I believe that they are perhaps just smurfs that got jobs versus the embarassing country cousins who "live off the land wearing only condoms on their heads and cute little booties. No shirt? No Problem!

I think for Papa Smurf, there are three distinct possibilities.
1) Jay-Z
2) Snoop Dogg
3) Former President William Jefferson Clinton
What do these three people have in common? They're all PIMPS! just like papa smurf.
BTW, i decided to "pimpify" all of the names, and here's what i found:
1) Reverend Jay Jazz (pretty cool)
2) Papa Dogg Flash (isn't that what he goes by now anyway?)
3) Sheik Bill Tickle (which i believe will become President Clinton's next job title)