Late Nite... TV (what were the chances?)

I love watching tv, but even i sometimes can't stand certain programming choices by the networks. Of course by that i'm referring to infomercials. They're commercials, but informative, still haven't quite figured out why they're called infomercials though...

When watching too many infomercials for a long time, there's always that nagging question... "man, i really hate having to cut my frozen vegetables with my hacksaw, i wish someone would invent some kind of knife that could cut them without having to ever sharpen them."

Those were the good ole days, when ginsu knives and showtime rotisserie ovens were the soup du jour (which is french for useless crap). These days, i'd be hard pressed to try to find a good infomercial. They're all about how i can make money very fast with little or no effort whatsoever on my part (sometimes, all that's required is my credit card number, and they'll actually put the money into my account for me).
I'm all about get rich quick schemes, but there's nothing in the infomercials to sweeten it enough to keep my attention. I mean, with the ginsu knives, i'd sit on the edge of my seat wondering what they could possibly cut next on that fabled cutting board (wait, what? you're gonna cut the cutting board? madness i say! madness!). As a side note, it turns out that after you cut something with these knives that you couldn't even cut with the jaws of life, you MUST follow it up with the subsequent sacrifice of a tomato.
I used to actually look foward to some of the new products that would come from the mind, nay, the definition of brilliance, otherwise known as Ron Popeil's brain. I mean, what a genius that guy is. Let's have a quick rundown of some of the brilliance to come from this genius:

The ShowTime Rotisserie Oven - for those people who are too lazy to drive down to Costco or Sam's and buy your own $5 chicken

The RonCo Pasta Maker - haven't you always wanted to try chocolate linguine?

(My personal favorite) The RonCo Food Dehydrator - for the people who enjoy waiting a week to eat raisins (note: if you don't have money for a food dehydrator, you can achieve similar results with a car parked outside on a hot day, just don't try to make the fruit roll ups, trust me)

The Inside-The-Shell Egg Scrambler - i'm not kidding about this one. For people who are too lazy to........ stir.

GLH - Hair.... in.... a.... can.... there's nothing more to say


And who can forget, the RonCo Bagel Cutter... um... can you say, GENIOUS?

Anyway, my point is, now all i have to watch on tv that's on so late that it's considered morning, is how to beat the stock market (unlike all those losers who do it for a living, I can actually make money no matter what the market is doing), how to buy real estate with peanut shells ground down into a fine paste and then molded into the shape of an opossum (or possum for all you pretentious northerners) of all things. Useful information definately, but as exciting as being able to take a RAW chicken, then only 17 hours later enjoying half-cooked poultry?



Mitch Hedberg's QotD

I was watching tv and saw a commercial for a garden hose attachment. The commercial said 'you can water your hard to reach plants with this product.' What kind of person would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean.
'I know you need water, but I will make you hard to reach. Hopefully someone will invent a product before you shrivel and die.'