Stomach Communications?
I oft wonder whether my stomach is trying to communicate with me. Not in the way where it sends chemical signals (wait, Tom Cruise would stop me here, saying that there are no chemicals, or structures called stomaches for that matter in my body, so we'll continue the following in the abstract) to my brain, or my stomach "feeling" full after i've eaten approximately 149 pounds of food (10 pounds per dollar) at a buffet, but really communicate.
Sometimes, i swear, i'll be sitting in my chair, minding my own business, i hear what sounds to be a gurgled (obviously, because it's buried in my body cavity) voice saying what i swear sounds like "pizza." Puzzled, i keep listening, hoping to find out more information.
"Does my stomach want pizza?" I ask myself.
"I had pizza yesterday. Does it dislike the fact that i ate the pizza yesterday? C'mon! Give me some damn clues! Was it the toppings? You have to tell me what you want! No more anchovies and haggus? TALK TO ME DAMNIT!"
At which point, i usually find something more interesting to watch on tv, and cease worrying about the whole incident... until, "sushi"
"What the hell? I haven't had sushi in weeks! Wait, maybe i want sushi today. Do i want sushi today? Man, sushi sounds good, and i haven't had it in weeks!"
Which leads me to believe that there is in fact, a speaker, implanted in my stomach, implanted there whilst i slept, a joint venture between all the different facets of the foodservice industry, intent on putting subliminal (sorry, had to use the word Mr. President), messages in my brain to get me to eat certain foods (turns out the cilantro industry didn't invest a significant amount in said venture).
Well, if that's the case, it's brilliant. I mean, i have so much trouble trying to figure out what to eat day in and day out, that i wish the speaker was more readily audible. If only wishing made it so.
Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
Sometimes, i swear, i'll be sitting in my chair, minding my own business, i hear what sounds to be a gurgled (obviously, because it's buried in my body cavity) voice saying what i swear sounds like "pizza." Puzzled, i keep listening, hoping to find out more information.
"Does my stomach want pizza?" I ask myself.
"I had pizza yesterday. Does it dislike the fact that i ate the pizza yesterday? C'mon! Give me some damn clues! Was it the toppings? You have to tell me what you want! No more anchovies and haggus? TALK TO ME DAMNIT!"
At which point, i usually find something more interesting to watch on tv, and cease worrying about the whole incident... until, "sushi"
"What the hell? I haven't had sushi in weeks! Wait, maybe i want sushi today. Do i want sushi today? Man, sushi sounds good, and i haven't had it in weeks!"
Which leads me to believe that there is in fact, a speaker, implanted in my stomach, implanted there whilst i slept, a joint venture between all the different facets of the foodservice industry, intent on putting subliminal (sorry, had to use the word Mr. President), messages in my brain to get me to eat certain foods (turns out the cilantro industry didn't invest a significant amount in said venture).
Well, if that's the case, it's brilliant. I mean, i have so much trouble trying to figure out what to eat day in and day out, that i wish the speaker was more readily audible. If only wishing made it so.
Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
I saw a girl ripping out the petals of a flower once saying 'he loves me, he loves me not.' I wonder what the flower would say if he could talk. He'd probably say 'ouch! that hurts!' 'ouch! that hurts as well!' 'and he loves you not.' 'And I am no longer beautiful.' 'I could have told you I had an even number of petals!'
posted by jon at
Friday, July 29, 2005
1 Comments:
Inexplicable gurgling sounds from within? You have lactose intolerance.
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Anonymous, at 6:46 PM
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