When laziness pays off...

There are people that are of the understanding that laziness, in all of its forms, is bad. I am one of those people to whom those people are generally referring to. And as i do for the most part, agree with them, i also feel that in certain situations, laziness can be ok.

What are these magical situations you ask? Well, i'd tell you, but then you'd stop reading right here... so i'll just stretch it out some more...

I love steak. I love chicken. I love fish (fatty tuna is especially good), generally, i like eating things that have once been alive, had eyes, and rummaged around for food. That being said, i like it more if said animals didn't rummage that much, and rather were born in a cage, lived in a cage, and for the most part died in a cage without ever knowing of the world outside said cage. The reasoning behind this? Fat tastes good. Whenever you eat a steak, it usually is either really juicy and delicious, or dry and disgusting. Why is that? Well, one of the reasons is due to the fact that cows that don't move around much tend to have more fatty tissue, and when grilled or cooked, fat melts, and makes your steak juicy.

So we've come full circle. Animals taste better when they're lazy, because they have more fat, thus, laziness is good in that situation. I'd imagine that if i were to eat the brad pitt of cows, he would not be very tasty. In fact, it would probably be the toughest, driest steak ever. If i were to eat a kirstie alley chicken on the other hand, it would probably be the most juicy tasting chicken ever consumed. People say that it's creul to raise animals in boxes a la the veal, but ask yourself, is that creul, or is forcing people to eat non-delicious, non-juicy steak creul? I thought so.

Why is pork so tasty? I mean, it's not like a chicken where just the legs are tasty but the breast meat is usually dry and disgusting, the entire pig is good eatin'. I mean, there's a reason for that. Pigs are arguably the laziest animals on the face of the planet. They don't even have the energy or wherewithall to go around rummaging for food. They just sit around and wait for the farmer to bring them leftover scraps from his own dinner, what the cows pooped out, human bodies, etc (snatch reference right there). That's why hams taste good, bacon, which is just a layer of fat, tastes good, sausage, which is all the rest of the fat ground up, tastes good and so on.

There are so many opponents to laziness, but let's hear it from the proponents of laziness. I guess after having wrote that i realized that that's like asking for perfect attendance from the apathy club, but one can dream. I'm almost dreading the fact that i'm typing so much right now, because i was wanting to cook up my fingers for dinner tomorrow night, but i can't because they're getting too much exercise.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I think a rotisserie is a really morbid Ferris wheel for chickens. We will take a chicken, impale it, and then rotate it. Spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water. I like dizzy chickens!