The plight of the poor musician...

There is a group of people in the world that deserve our sympathy and sorrow. Of course, i'm talking about multi-million dollar musicians. I mean, these guys who play music for a living, who get to have sex with all kinds of groupies, drink beer on the job, and whose biggest complaints are that there aren't enough blue m&m's in their dressing rooms. The very definition of poverty i say. I understand that creativity is difficult (as can be evidenced by this blog), and that it's hard to make a good record, and that record companies take a huge cut of the profits from the musicians (because the record companies don't deserve it if you take out the parts about, scouting them, signing them, renting equipment, studio space, equipment, designing cover art, promoting the record, producing the cds, putting up with all the bullshit that the artists come up with throughout the shoot, paying for their hotels and meals, and taking the hits for all the bands that flop). But why can't they all collectively come up with a new and innovative approach to making money and at the same time keeping their fans happy?

This unbelievable innovative approach for musicians of course, is something so new, so novel as to create ripples in the music industry, nay the world? Touring.
Why don't musicians tour anymore? They want to make all their money from a week spent in a recording studio. Basically, they want to be musical actors. Now, i'll actually have to defend actors here by saying that actors do their work over a period of a week to several months, then the directors, producers and what not do the post-production, much like musicians, but that's where the similarities end. I mean, how many people would pay hundreds of bucks to go to an arena and watch an actor re-enact scenes from their hit movies? No one wants that, people want to see musicians play music. Is that too much to ask?
Who doesn't like going to concerts? I love the excitement that builds, suffering through crappy opening acts (i think bands purposely pick really crappy acts as to make theirs seem that much better), and then that curtain dropping, and the music blaring. When it's all said and done, i like that feeling of not being able to hear anything anyone else is saying. Call me a romantic, but i like the stale beer and cigarette smoke smell my clothes have for months after the concert (although some people would call this "an unwillingness to wash my clothes," i like to call it "olfactory memory preservation").

But no, we can't tour, we're too busy buying huge houses and cars, and losing any motivation that we used to have to write good music, and instead will now write about the pain and anguish of having to choose what country the marble for our flooring should come from, essentially, turning into rappers.

So i say to you, musicians, stop the bitching, and i'll see you at the arena where i won't be able to see your damn show anyway because the tickets cost roughly what i spent on my college education.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We won't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be a bitch. The envelope won't seal, the stamps will be in the wrong denomination, and the mailman will get shot to death. Good luck Fucker!