Paycheck Lovin' Man...

Everyone remembers certain things about their lives. Everyone remembers their first car, their first kiss, their first time being held upside down with head submerged in the water while other people flush the toilet as a sign of affection..............

Their first place on their own, their first time making love (or so i hear, i'll let you know if i remember it when it happens or not because i am not a ho).

Another thing that everyone usually remembers is their first job.

It's like a shiny new wonder thing. I mean, you go somewhere, do something that you probably wouldn't have minded doing for free (this being high school, chances are you still had enough energy to be able to run 2 consecutive marathons), and you get paid! I mean, how much better can it get? Especially since you're not having to pay for trivial things like food, housing, clothing, gas (you think you paid for gas back then, but you really didn't).

Little did you know, that this would probably be the best possible outcome for any kind of job that you'd ever have for the rest of your life. You didn't care about taxes, and all that. You didn't care because the money you made was used exclusively at the mall. You didn't have to worry about insurance, mortgage payments, gas (because like i said earlier, you only thought you paid for gas), clothes... and the like...

Now, whenever you get a job, you have to already discount at least half of it to taxes and fees. Much like the way a bully lets you keep your wallet, but takes all the money in it, then the other half is taken care of by bills which have a way of popping up every single month not unlike the mole whack game, where you whack the mole, and you think you've gotten rid of the damn thing, then his ugly little head pops up again, so you whack it again, then it just pops up again!!!.... hmm... a few issues with bills... sorry.

Now, this leaves you with... well, a couple bucks. Like maybe 2. With this money, you can... well, put it away in that savings account that you forgot about (does anyone even know what a savings account is anymore? does anyone even know what saving means?), or you could do what i do (which is what everyone else does) and spend it on peeps. No, i don't mean "other people" i mean, marshmallow peeps! Buy a couple rows of those... and finally, "poof" goes the rest of the joke that used to be called your paycheck.

So now, what ends up happening? You end up working all day, everyday, looking forward to the weekend where you can sloth around, spending money that you don't even have, not even having the vacations you used to have in school, looking forward to anyone who might have been born and died (i.e. martin luther king jr., christopher columbus, frank g. president, willaim h. memorial, etc) who the country cares about so you can get an extra day off.

Woe is the workin man, who lives and works for the paycheck that settles him into mediocrity. I know this ending has been kind of depressing so i shall string together a few random words: pineapple necktie tonail clippings.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"