Deal, or Kill me in the Face...?

Those who know me know that i'm the awesomest person to ever walk the earth a pretty laid back individual. For the most part, things don't really illicit such strong feelings from me that i am able to call it hate. The things that i in fact do say that i hate are few and far between. Generally, it can be summed up with 3 words: cil-lan-tro. That's right, i absolutely hate cilantro. It tastes like what i imagine asshole would taste like. Well, asshole probably tastes like meat, so in fact, cilantro is worse... than ass...

This brings me to my next issue of hate. For the most part, i can see or hear something that annoys me (like the el pollo loco theme song), but then forget about it when the next annoying song comes along. Most of the time, this holds pretty true, but then again, every once in awhile, there comes a force so strong, that even my powers of apathy are helpless to stop them. This brings us to our central point:

Damnit i hate howie mandel. There are a plethora of reasons why i feel this hatred. I mean, i think he's a funny guy, which actually keeps the hatred to slightly hate instead of say, wish were eaten by fire ants, but there is still more bad than good. Let's roll down the points, shall we?

1. Being a germaphobe - This has got to be one of the dumbest phobias out there. I mean, afraid of germs? Wtf? Anyone who isn't 4 years old knows that there's no such thing as germs. There's viruses, bacteria, things like that, but a word that is all encompassing? Nope. So, the germaphobe within dear mr. mandel apparently manifests itself through the inability to touch his palm against someone elses' palm otherwise known as the "handshake."
Instead, he does something called the "fist punch" or the "stupid secret handshake." He does this by extending his fist and the move is finished when the other person pounds his fist against said fist. So, what if there are "germs" on my fist? Ever thought about that? Didn't think so.

2. The soul patch - I think howie has mistaken himself for being apollo anton ohno (which in case you don't remember, which i'm assuming most people don't, was the short track speed skater in the olypmics who had pubes on his chin). I don't even know what the point is of having facial hair if it's only going to be the same shape as his pubic hair. Not that i've seen his pubic hair, and not that i want to... damnit, i knew this would blow up in my face.

3. The damn show - Is there a more mind-numbing show than deal or no deal? I've become stupider at the mere mention of the show. See? I don't even think "stupider" is a word. And if it is, may it be featured on the next compelling episode of deal or no deal. "Up next, someone will win a million dollars, or may i be labeled stupider than others." Yes, i can see it now, and it is grand.

Ok, so maybe i've been a bit hard on mr. mandel, and i'm sure he's a good guy (although rule #13 states: never trust a bald man with pubes on his chin), but for now, he's right up there... with cilantro, and if i were martha stewart, i would have to say "that's not a good thing."