Epiphanies

There comes a moment in everyone's life where they have the type of clarity of vision that usually only comes after a few cases of beer. This is it, "the natural high," "getting high on life," "the world of... something else to do with being high, but not really."
So here now, i present to you, my personal epiphany (some people might think it weird or a waste of a once in a lifetime event, but it's not me that chooses my fate, but rather the fate that... you know):

I love martha stewart.

I don't even mean that jokingly, or in any way bad, because the way i feel is shared, i'm sure, by you, loyal reader. It's not like i'm saying, i wanna marry her or anything like that (i'm no ashton kutcher), although she is still very attractive in my opinion, but i just think she's one of the coolest people on tv and in the media. She's not afraid to tell it like it is, and on top of that, she knows how to make a car out of paper mache and make easy-to-use organizational tools for the interior of the car, which would be upholstered with the leather from a cow that she raised on her own ranch since it was a calf, feeding it only natrually recycled, organic, sweet grass.

Her new show, martha live, looks like it' s going to be hilarious. I mean, i might even watch her version of the apprentice... "you're not a good thing..." genious.

Now, i wasn't in the women's correctional facility that martha was in (although that was once a dream of mine), but i would have to imagine that if had been there to observe the goings on of that particular correctional institution, i would have observed, much in the same manner that that lady did with the apes, that there was a pecking order within the kingdom of the big house. I could only imagine that martha was probably the leader, otherwise known as the "head bitch" of the cell block. I don't think she would take any shit from anybody, do you? Hell no. If someone got up in her shit, she'd take that ho down, and knit a decorative sham from her hair, and fashion a ho skin rug for her cell. Damn straight.

There's been talk about perhaps martha might have gone to jail on purpose in order to up her profile, but if anyone's ever been to woman's jail (which i should know, because i've been there, even though i said that i haven't...), and been on house arrest (which i have too, but just for fun) and it wasn't fun.

So here's the lesson for all you folks out there, don't get arrested, and if you do, make sure you get a 2 tv show deal out of it.


Mitch Hedberg's QotD: