Mysteries of the Universe...

Scientists for years, have delved into those questions that fuel the curiosity of entire generations. What is the meaning of life? What is the origin of matter? How come everything tastes like chicken? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Of these, the most intriguing questions are those that scientists have grappled with for so long, that it's only known in the circles of folklore and legend. Here, i will attempt to bring to light, some of those questions that are the biggest mysteries for you, loyal reader to ponder.

• What the hell are boogers made of, and is there a stronger adhesive in the world?

Most people don't appreciate the complexity of this question. I mean, where do boogers come from? The "simple" scientist would say that they are simply coagulated masses of dried up mucus, but that's such an oversimplification that it's hilarious, not unlike myself. And also, once you pick a boogie (don't even act like you don't), and try to shake it off your finger, it holds on like a star wars fan to the last ticket to the viewing of princess leah's bra. Once it actually leaves your finger, where the hell does it go? The military should invest in researching this type stealth technology.

• Why is it when you drop a piece of buttered and jellied toast, it always lands jelly side down?

Again, most people would find a "scientific" rationale for this, saying that it's the gravity, but i think it's more along the lines of toast hating me. That's right, toast, and other foods, hate me. Whenever i drop something, and have a chance to catch it, it eludes me, and invariably, lands on the floor, hard-to-clean-side down. And not only that, usually, i run out of paper towels...

• What's the deal with silent letters in words?

There seem to be too many silent letters that are just unnecessary. The (p)sychics should work on finding a solution, which might be (h)erbal in nature, or perhaps if they cannot find the solution, their dau(gh)ter mi(gh)t be able to find one in her po(t)pourri dish, or if she doesn't have one, cou(l)d buy one at the depo(t) where it can be found in the com(b) (a)isle, interestingly enough.

Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I don't have a girlfriend, but i do know a woman who would be mad at me for saying that though.