The Phone Call Dating Scene...

People oft take something so complex as a phone call and make it out to be a simple exchange of words and ideas. Nothing could be further from the truth. When people talk on the phone, there is alot going on that perhaps most people aren't aware of. In essence, there's an entire evolution that is a relationship going on during even the most brief conversation.

- First, you have the infatuation phase. This is the time in a relationship that is usually marked with people "getting to know" each other (which for women, is a true expression of their interest, and a genuine method of becoming closer to this other person's mind and soul, and in men, is a necessary evil to get "into da pants").

In the phone conversation, this phase manifests itself by means of the "caller" and the "callee" being excited about making that first contact, and seeing how each other is doing, in an effort to get a better gauge as to whether or not they should proceed with their news about how they saw a kangeroo driving a station wagon, and just how funny it was (which generally turns out, would have been funnier if you were there).

- Next, you start having problems. Usually at this point in a traditional relationship, conflict starts in the form of the woman complaning about how the man doesn't spend enough time with her (ex: we don't talk like we used to) at which point the man generally tunes her out until she seems to be done with this round of bitching (meanwhile, in his mind, he's gotten what he wanted, a.k.a. "da booty," now he has to deal with the backlash a.k.a. "da bitchin"). Perhaps this is an overgeneralized and sexist point of view, but the truth hurts, doesn't it?

In the phone conversation, there comes a point where now the "callee" tells the "caller" about his day. When this starts happening, "caller" becomes disinterested, often putting the phone down, and doing something to get his mind off of having to hear about how the toner cartridge in the copier wouldn't fit right, even though the office supply salesman told him that it was the right one... and.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz wait, sorry, were you saying something?

- We now get to the "gotta save the marriage" point of the relationship. Seeing that the ideal love is now fading, one member of the relationship will invariably attempt in some way to "salvage" what can possibly be left in this sham that's called a relationship, in a last ditch attempt to get back to the "good 'ole days."

In the phone conversation, this portion of the relationship shows up when the "caller" has finished telling his hilarious story, and the "callee" is getting bored, wanting to hang up. At this point, "caller," feeling the converstaion slip out of his control, tries his best to pick up the conversation by bringing up all manner of topics in order to keep the phone call going, and the minutes wasting.

- Eventually, there comes the inevitable... The breakup. As newton's fourth law states, any relationship that begins, must end, in bitter heartbreak and anger. Okay, i might have lied on that one, it's obviously einstein's theory of relativity.

This part is actually more interesting in the phone convo than in an actual relationship. It usually consists of such closing signals as "well... (sigh)" or the ever popular "(yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn)." The "dumpee" at this point, in one last ditch attempt to keep the conversation going, pulls out the "don't go, i'm so lonely, and people don't ever call me anymore. Why don't people want to talk to me? Why do i have to be so lonely? Why did i move out here, where i don't know anybody, and where all my friends are too busy to talk to me and be friends with me?" (um, that last sentence, only serves as an example, and any similarity between that and any "real" feelings are strictly coincidental)

Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

The depressing thing about tennis is, that no matter how good you become, you'll never be better, than a wall. I played a wall once, that fucker relentless.