Sports!... (i don't understand)...
Man, i love sports. I'll watch all kinds of sports (especially if it's the football off-season, or it's not a saturday). Some of the sports i watch and thoroughly enjoy: football of course, basketball, bowling, poker (hey, it's on espn right?), badminton, tennis, baseball (post-season), track and field, the biathalon, i think you catch my drift.
Out of all the sports (and yes, this includes competitive walking), there's one that i just don't seem to understand. (at this point, you think i'm gonna talk about some obscure sport, but you will soon feel like a monkey's uncle) But first, as all of you are dying to know, i shall enlighten you, loyal reader with some of my thoughts on sports.
The thing i like about sports? It's an epic battle to the end. In most sports, there is always a winner (even hockey now has shootouts). Even the games that have a high number of ties (such as soccer), are very fun to watch, and there is a clear result at the end of the match. Results, without them, why the hell would we even watch sports? I mean, i heard of a phenomenon where some t-ball leagues for little kids didn't have winners and losers anymore. What the crap is that? Kids have to learn that practice pays off, or learn to taste the bitter pill of defeat, or learn that if you bribe the right people, you can get by with less effort.
Anyway, all this is leading toward the biggest "wtf?" in sports. What is this sport you ask? You guessed it: boxing.
Ok, i know that some of you right now are thinking "i should stop reading this unfunny column and get back to work," but let's just pretend you were thinking something along the lines of "but there are winners and losers awesome jon!" (i added that last little bit... hope you didn't mind). Sure, there are the ever-elusive "ko's" otherwise known as "krap, oops" in that, the guy who falls to the ground usually does so due to slipping on some sort of vasaline or just tripping over a shoelace.
Not taking anything away from boxers by any means (and not just because they could beat the crap out of me by looking at me), i think they are probably the toughest athelets there are... it's just the sport itself needs to be completely revamped. I mean, is there another sport out there where the outcome is so often in such doubt until the announcer reads the name? I mean, the problem with having the judges determine the outcome of most of the matches, what happens is that you get these boxers dancing around the ring after every round pretending like they won while not being able to look out his left eye or breathe out of his nose at all.
The way to fix this sport? Let em fight it out to the death. Ok, well maybe not to the death, just until one guy stops breathing... Ok, maybe not to the death... but anyway, last man standing style. This would clear it up enough for me to watch, although still not on pay per view for 200 bucks for me to see a 30 second match. I'd love to write more, but i think a girl's middle school softball game is about to come on, and you know about those middle school softball games: barnburner.
Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
Out of all the sports (and yes, this includes competitive walking), there's one that i just don't seem to understand. (at this point, you think i'm gonna talk about some obscure sport, but you will soon feel like a monkey's uncle) But first, as all of you are dying to know, i shall enlighten you, loyal reader with some of my thoughts on sports.
The thing i like about sports? It's an epic battle to the end. In most sports, there is always a winner (even hockey now has shootouts). Even the games that have a high number of ties (such as soccer), are very fun to watch, and there is a clear result at the end of the match. Results, without them, why the hell would we even watch sports? I mean, i heard of a phenomenon where some t-ball leagues for little kids didn't have winners and losers anymore. What the crap is that? Kids have to learn that practice pays off, or learn to taste the bitter pill of defeat, or learn that if you bribe the right people, you can get by with less effort.
Anyway, all this is leading toward the biggest "wtf?" in sports. What is this sport you ask? You guessed it: boxing.
Ok, i know that some of you right now are thinking "i should stop reading this unfunny column and get back to work," but let's just pretend you were thinking something along the lines of "but there are winners and losers awesome jon!" (i added that last little bit... hope you didn't mind). Sure, there are the ever-elusive "ko's" otherwise known as "krap, oops" in that, the guy who falls to the ground usually does so due to slipping on some sort of vasaline or just tripping over a shoelace.
Not taking anything away from boxers by any means (and not just because they could beat the crap out of me by looking at me), i think they are probably the toughest athelets there are... it's just the sport itself needs to be completely revamped. I mean, is there another sport out there where the outcome is so often in such doubt until the announcer reads the name? I mean, the problem with having the judges determine the outcome of most of the matches, what happens is that you get these boxers dancing around the ring after every round pretending like they won while not being able to look out his left eye or breathe out of his nose at all.
The way to fix this sport? Let em fight it out to the death. Ok, well maybe not to the death, just until one guy stops breathing... Ok, maybe not to the death... but anyway, last man standing style. This would clear it up enough for me to watch, although still not on pay per view for 200 bucks for me to see a 30 second match. I'd love to write more, but i think a girl's middle school softball game is about to come on, and you know about those middle school softball games: barnburner.
Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match. They said "it's a fight to the finish!" Yeah, that's a good place to end.
posted by jon at
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home