Delivery Dumpkis...

Why is it that some people have come to expect tips as an absolute right of them simply doing their jobs? I understand with some folks like waiters (although i'm not gonna tip you just because you're a waiter), but overall, there are lots of jobs out there that are service oriented, where tipping is usually not required, or even thought of.

I used to work at an electronics store, selling... well, electronics. People would come into this store with electronics purchased sometime during the eisenhower administration, asking me what was wrong with it. Aside from the obvious answer that electronics no longer run off of electricity gathered from lightning bolts harnessed by kites with keys attached to them, i would do my best to find the source of the problem, and to solve it. Did i ever get a tip? nope.

At that job, people would occasionally come in, ask for something, i would bring it out to them, ask them if that's what they wanted, and how they liked it, ring them up, and they'd be on their way. Sound similar? Yup, that's exactly what waiters do. Except the only problem is, waiters don't have to worry about the customers coming back with the steak that they bought 29 days from now, ruining your monthly numbers. And on top of that, they get tipped. Sweet.

Delivery drivers. The world's seemingly easiest, yet from the way the actual drivers act, extremely complex job. How hard is it to calculate change? What were you doing in the car the entire time you were driving to my place (which consequently, seems to be around 2 hours from 3 blocks away)?

Why am i being so hard on delivery drivers? Well, for the most part, they are fine. I give them tips for doing their jobs, and they're back on their happy way. Recently, i had a pretty weird experience though. Here's the setup:

• I order chinese food.
• 14 bucks total (i was hungry).
• Delivery driver comes 45 minutes later (2 miles away).
• I hand him a 20 (for 14 in food).
• He says "thanks," starts to walk off.
• Me: "hey, what the hell?"
• Him: "oh, you wanted change?"
• I shoot myself in the head (wait, that's what i wanted to do)
• Him: "i don't have any change, you have anything smaller?"
• Me: (brain literally melting whilst attempting to comprehend the query) "do i have change?"

At this point, i have little choice but to kill this man where he stood, and feed his body to pigs. I mean, what other outs did i have? None i tell you, none.
I mean, is it too much to ask that a delivery driver have some fucking change? It'd be like hiring someone to come fix your roof, and the guy asking if he can borrow your tools, and oh yeah, some roofing materials.

Bunch of idiots. We must learn to love them. And by learn to love them, of course i mean, kill them... kill them all...


Steven Wright's QotD:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.