The Forgetful Bulemic...

** Sorry to Don about the tardiness of this post **
I am a degree holder in psychology from the university of tennessee. Apparently to employers the last sentence is read: "not suitable to answer phones at our place of business" but i digress.

What the piece of paper that i got for showing up to a majority of my classes gives me the right to do is to (mis)diagnose illnesses and diseases and then have no authority whatsoever to do anything about it. I have for example, on many occasions diagnosed ex-girlfriends after we broke up. The fact that everyone was labled "psycho" just seemed to be an incredible coincidence.

I have also attempted to diagnose myself. I found that i have an eating disorder. Most types of eating disorders are well known, namely anorexia nervosa (see, the nervosa part is what the schoolin' taught me) and bulemia excita (excita isn't really part of it, but it sounds ok right?). Well, i am here to tell you about a terrible new disease that i have diagnosed in myself (you always think it can't happen to you, but alas... whatever).

I have a terrible eating disorder. It is baffling scientists and farmers alike. It is known as bulemia forgeta. It is an unbelievably complicated disorder carrying with it a multitude of problems, which can be easily summed up in one sentence:

I eat, but then i forget to throw up afterwards.

It's terrible, i know. The worst part about it is what i miss out on. I only get to experience half of what other bulemics experience. It's kind of like visiting an awesome vacation destination like sioux falls, south dakota, but not being able to leave. Oh the horror. It's like all of the bad qualities of having an eating disorder and none of the positive aspects of losing any weight.

I guess the opposite would be pretty bad though. I mean, if i stopped eating all together, i guess that would make my figure pretty svelte, but then again, i'd probably not live to be able to show it off to anyone.

I mean, it's pretty obvious that i should start working out, and as nice of a thought that is, it's a nicer thought to think of me sitting around not doing anything (except possibly scratching myself). Getting in the habit of working out has got to be as hard as it is for me to turn down a beautiful steak. Neither is likely to happen anytime soon.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I was in downtown Boise, Idaho and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren't supposed to be in downtown. There's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, "Let me have a bun." She wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She said it's against subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren't supposed to touch. So, I said, "All right, put some lettuce on it." "That'll be $1.75!" I said, "It's for a duck!" "Oh, then it's free." I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I know that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"