The Spanish American Revolution...

They're a sneaky people those spanish (i guess i should put in a disclaimer here about how by spanish, i don't necessarily mean mexican or people from spain or latinos and blah blah blah... you know what i'm talking about, so from here on out i shall use "spanish" "mexican" "latino" and "swedish" interchangeably).

Of course, the next logical question on your part would be: why are they so sneaky? If you don't know by now, i'm afraid you have not been paying proper attention to those things... that require the payment of... attention. I have to say here, that when i mean sneaky, i actually mean resourceful, and by resourceful, i mean sneaky.

Let me tell you a tale. A tale of intrigue and mystery. It was a dark and well, probably not stormy night (because this story takes place in mexico, and you know, it doesn't really rain there). There they were, the leaders of the mexican revolution. No, these people were not military strategists, or government spies or even revolutionaries... no, they were entrepreneurs. The single most destructive force the world has ever seen. During this meeting, it was revealed that perhaps americans aren't as cunning in sniffing out scams as one would think (aside from phishing, multi-level-marketing, avon, chain letters, etc). But they also realized that the secret was to scam people, and make them like it. That is a true artist, the man who can scam you out of your boots and have you love every minute of it. That is of course, until the diarrhea starts.

I know at this point nothing is making sense, but i'm doing it on purpose to force you to have to read the article again. Ok, i've drug in on long enough. The meeting ended with one conclusion. And the conversation went something like this:
"Let's sell the americans a large variety of 'mexican food' which in reality is the exact same dish served over and over again in different looks, and charge different amounts for them... ha ha ha ha ha....."
"even american's couldn't fall for that..."
"yeah, but let's try it anyway!"
"ok."
"holy crap! it worked!"
"you know what?"
"hell yeah, siesta time!"

And so it began. The revolution collectively known as "taco bell." Well, i guess more accurately it should be called "mexican food" or later repackaged as "tex-mex" and once again repackaged as "taco bell" coming full circle. If you think about it, it is indeed genius. I mean, selling roughly 4 ingredients over and over until people feel like they've tried every possible iteration, and then changing it slightly and repeating the process.

Let's take a closer look, shall we?
(slightly edited version of jim gaffigan's take on the situation)

Taco: tortilla, meat, vegetables and cheese.
Burrito: tortilla, meat, vegetables and cheese.
Tostata: tortilla, meat, vegetables and cheese.
Taco salad: tortilla, meat, vegetables and cheese.
Gordita: tortilla, meat, vegetables and cheese.
Crunchwrap supreme: tortilla, meat, vegetables and cheese.
(i hope that you guys appreciate that i didn't copy/paste any of that last part, i typed out every last damn letter)

I mean, there were mad mexican scientists working long, sweaty nights, thinking:
"hmm, this one is getting old, what should we do?"
"fry the tortilla!"
"brilliant!" (yes, the guiness spokespeople are eveywhere)
"ooh, ooh, this one, i'm going to make the tortilla look like a bowl!"
"brilliant!"
and so on and so forth.

And so it came to be, the real spanish american war, still being waged between the mexican restaurant owners and our bowels and possibly for generations to come, although i see us losing the battle, eating one too many packets of fire sauce and literally melting into a pool of goo. Good luck soldiers, fight the good fight.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.