Voluntary Prison...

We live in an increasingly convenient world. We can get our news on the computer without even going to the front door, we can make phone calls from anywhere in the world with a device that fits conveniently in your pocket, we can drive places at faster speeds than ever before, we can fly to places on the other side of the globe in planes that fly almost as fast as sound.

With all of these conveniences everywhere, it seems that all we're doing is creating an increasingly lazy society that doesn't appreciate the simple pleasure of walking down the street to the general store (i know, what the hell era am i living in anyway?) for some potatoes. The irony is that while the world is growing smaller, the places we choose to go oftentimes are becoming more and more confined to a smaller and smaller area (see? that's actual irony, eat that alanis!).

I'm thinking no one knows what the hell i'm talking about by this point, but that's just the price you pay to be entertained like you do week in and week out here at fabot (like the plug?).

It just seems like we confine ourselves into small places. By this, i mean, most of us probably go to work in a small office, cubicle, retail store, etc., spending the better part of the day there, then as soon as work is over, head home to spend the rest of the night watching prime time television, then going to bed and starting the entire process over again. If you think about it, with our fast cars, fast jets, and ability to be reached in any locale with our cell phones, one would imagine that there would be more "exploring." But that just doesn't happen. We spend most of our time sitting in our cubicle, looking at what's going on in the world around us via the internet, then go home, and lose ourselves in the celebrity-drunken media programs to vicariously live our lives through those of the more public celebs and reality shows.

We've gotten to the point where we don't even have to leave our homes for most of our needs anymore. I mean, you can stay at home, and order pizza online, order chinese food over the phone, and even order groceries if you feel so inclined to cook at home. You pee and poo at home, so that's taken care of. Alot of us actually work at home, so no need to even see the outdoors first hand during a commute. At this point, i don't think i even need a car. I used to use it to drive around the seedy parts of town looking for porn, but hellooooo internet. We're inmates in prisons of our own making. Granted, prisons with nicer carpeting, but prisons all the same.

Delivery services are awesome. You can order stuff from the home depot and have it delivered to your house, i mean, prostitutes even make house calls lately (don't ask how i know, i just do). It kind of makes me wish there were other delivery services. Like, six flags. How great would it be to just order the superman ride, and after a couple of house expansions and a few pages of instructions later, you could have all the fun of a day at the amusement part without having to actually go anywhere.

Wow, i just realized this isn't funny at all. Hmm. That's kinda bad. I guess perhaps i should add a "bonus" amusing post. Ok, so here we go.



Technological Road Block...

Isn't it kinda weird how some forms of technology seem to grow by leaps and bounds and others don't? I mean, we have computers that double in speed every two years, there are now alarm clocks that run away and hide, so that you have to hunt it down to be able to find it and turn it off (which still wouldn't wake me up btw... and would only result in several wall dents the size of smarmy alarm clocks). There are tv's that have resolution so fine that you can see individual blades of grass on a football field, and there are cars that are super-efficient that can get 55+ miles per gallon using basically the same technology as the awesome cars of the 80's that got 5.

The telephone industry has been lagging in my opinion (no pun intended). I know you are probably thinkin "well, they have cell phones now, and they keep getting smaller, they have more and more features packed in them... blah blah blah" to which i retort "no."

If you think about it, the technology isn't really evolving. The phone companies try to pull the distraction card by adding more and more features to the phones like a camera, internet access, and other things that take your attention away from the fact that the phone is still, well, the thing you had in your dorm room with the cord and the handle on the back, a.k.a. the "motel phone."

If future movies were any sort of measuring stick (and we all know how accurate those are), we should have some awesome telephony technology by now. I mean, in star trek, they had video phones where you could look directly at the screen and talk to the other guy and it was just as good as if you were standing in the same room talking to each other. In star wars, r2d2 was fitted with a holographic message projector, where you could attempt to feel up a princess's electronically projected boobies. What do we have? A phone you can carry around and talk on whilst holding it up to your ear. Yay.

Where are our video phones? Where are our phones where you can simulate touching someone (i've been wanting to reach out and touch someone forever). Voice quality still isn't all that on phones. I mean, given the right conditions of static, i can't tell the difference between pam anderson on the other line and my friend don. Granted, don does have some huge-boobed blonde actress qualitites about him, but his voice is not one of those qualities.

Home phones are even worse. The only major innovation to the home phone recently has been the advent of the speakerphone. Wow. I mean, it's just a phone turned up really loud so you can hear the other person respond when you put the phone down to go do something. We've all done it before the speakerphone was invented. You'd put the phone somewhere, go to another room and yell back at the phone just to see if someone could hear you. The only difference is that now, you can get immediate confirmation that they can indeed hear you and that you are indeed a jackass for doing it.

I mean, why is there even static on phones anyway? If i can retrieve a satellite signal from outer space to get digital tv, you'd think the phone company could think of a way where i could talk to someone without my voice sounding like a huge long buzz during the convo. What a long way we've come from the days of alexandar graham bell.

The sounds get so hard to hear sometimes that i'll call friends on the phone, and while they're on the phone, i'll actually instant message them because it's easier to communicate actual words. It'll start off as a regular phone conversation, but at some point, there is that inevitable misunderstanding of words:

me: "man, i really like to eat eggs, they're tasty"
don: "you want to marry a monkey?"
me: "no eggs..."
don: "no, monkeys don't lay eggs"
me: "no, i like to eat eggs"
don: "man, south america isn't even warm this time of year"
me: "what the hell are you talking about?"
don: "exactly, that's why the kentucky chemistry program is so famous"

At this point i'll shoot him an instant message. We'll sit there on the phone, listening to each other type out messages... It's always fun when you're on the phone together and can call out the other person for typing a phrase such as "haha" or the ever-so-popular "lol" but not actually let out an audible laugh. But i'll even type this in to the messaging window instead of saying it out loud.

jon: something funny (like always)
don: lol
jon: i didn't hear you laugh, bastard
don: your dad
jon: yes.

Until phone companies decide to pony up the cash to make better sounding phone technology, i'll be forced to know that whenever someone types a "haha, hehe, lol" type comment, they're not actually laughing. I want to hear the laughter ma bell, make it happen!



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me, they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "What?" and turn my head slightly.