Herbal Remedies

In honor of tomorrow being april 2oth or 4/20, i thought i'd write about, well, herbs.

Let me just start off by saying that i have no idea what pot looks like, smells like, tastes like, or have i ever been associated with anyone who has any idea of any of the above except that i... wait, where did my twinkies go?

Twinky is a funny word.

As you all may know, the word for marijuana is commonly referred to as "pot" by the "cool" community, so if you want to be cool, make sure you describe an illegal drug as a vessel in which to cook things. There is only one explanation for this: the people who came up with the term "pot" to describe marijuana were smoking marijuana at the time they thought of it.

There are lots of myths and urban legends out there about marijuana, and i would like to do my part by clearing some of them up for you.

1. Smoking copious amounts of marijuana causes memory loss.
I can't remember where i read this or whether or not i believe this is true, but it seems like something the "establishment" would say to get us to stop doing something that... what was i talking about?

2. Smoking marijuana leads to doing harder drugs.
Since when are cookies and snacks considered harder drugs? In fact, if nothing else, the potheads probably eat less snack foods than does the average american. Here, i shall propose the marijuana diet, consisting of the actual physical movement involved with rummaging around looking for the snack foods rather than how most people simply bury themselves in a mountain of potato chips, eating themselves out.

3. Marijuana brownies have the same effect as smoking the stuff.
Well, i don't know if this is the case or not, but if you think about it, the marijuana brownie has to be one of the greatest inventions ever. I mean, think about it, it's the problem and solution all in one convenient and easy to carry package. The pot makes you hungry for munchies, yet you are already eating munchies! Genius!

I think marijuana has been given a bad rap. I mean, people talk about how high you get when you smoke, but i'm guessing that part of the high is psychosomatic (this is where the brain makes something you think is real, become real in a matrix-esque causality arrangement that baffles the mind, making it real... it's a vicious cycle). Anyway, the fact that it is illegal makes it more appealing to certain people in and of itself. Whenever i haven't smoked a cigarette (tobacco, still legal, mostly...) in a few days and i smoke one, i feel what's commonly referred to as a "nic buzz" where i feel lightheaded and happy. Not really hungry for munchies, but a similar sensation i'm sure to the "high" one feels from smoking the ganja.

Another fun part of marijuana is the fact that people think themselves very clever when they use code words to describe marijuana so that "the man" or whoever else was born last night would not understand about what they spoke. Some of the fun names include: mary jane, the chronic, the ganja, grass, tree trunks, hot sauce, nappy hair, solar winds, deep sea fishing, among others. It's gotten to be that there are so many different names now for pot that its easier to list the words that don't refer to pot.

I mean, i could go on and on, but i forgot what i was writing about.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.