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fabot. funny enough to read

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Vegas Connection...

Las vegas. The land of cheap food, free drinks (not counting the green chip tip to your favorite cocktail waitress of course), cheap hotel rooms, and of course, bountiful prostitues hookers call girls escorts....

In 1975..!

Alas, that is no longer the case. Back in the day, when the mob ran things, they treated their customers well with cheap food, cheap sleeps and cheap whores entertainment. But now that the real mob, otherwise known as corporate conglomerates run the places, they've discovered that they can charge more for all that crap, and people will still flock to the city hoping to become the next world series of poker champion annoyingly loud spectator.

Ah, vegas has changed from the good ole days (not to say that i actually remember what the good ole days were like, since the first time i went to vegas was circa 2k1), but i've heard stories of people who would go there, sleep for a couple nights, eat buffets for five bucks and then leave (making sure not to gamble), having spent a grand total of 20 bucks (with 2 extra bucks for gas... it used to be all cheap like that).

Now, the casinos charge more if for no other reason than they need someone to pay for all of the features that you'll never see once you walk up to a craps table. I mean, other people might enjoy the lights of the strip, the fabulous view of the aladdin's topless pool from atop the eiffel tower (yay quarter-binoculars!), but for me, you could just put a craps table in the middle of the parking garage, and i'd be cool. But for everyone (including lowly me playing $3 craps in the basement of some dude's house), we now have to pay upwards of a hundred bucks+ for a hotel room, more than 30 bucks for a buffet, and close to 400 for a good time case of genital warts....

Every hotel is getting bigger and better, and more expensive. But there's an interesting thing happening because of this. There are now so many rooms, that hotels are finding out that people can actually... (gasp) shop around. That being said, some hotels are finding that they cannot sell out every night charging 500 bucks for a bed and a sink, and thus, prices are going back down. Soon, places will be advertising that they have cheaper prices on their buffets and cheaper prices for the rooms, and glory days will be here once again! Of course, if that happens, there will probably be $100 minimums for all the table games, so, c'est la vie.

I guess we'll have to see how it shakes out and in the meantime, i'll be blogging from the paris las vegas on a $15/day internet connection. Viva las vegas!




Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

NUMB3R5?

There are lots of numbers that we deal with. It sucks, but it's true what your teachers back in elementary school said about the math that you were learning back then... You actually do use some of it. Nothing really past elementary school though. (Just as an aside, so far, not couting these, there were 44 words in that previous paragraph... In college, i was known to be able to rattle off around 2000 word essays in 2 hours, or if in a pinch, once in a half hour, or 30 minutes).

As an illustration of what i'm talking about.... consider this:
We live in a 24/7, 365 world where we need our 8 glasses of water with our 0 calories, and our 20 minutes a day, just 3 times a week in 4 easy payments of 19.99 world. My pin number is linked to my account number which can be accessed through my social security number or my driver's license number or sometimes even my atm card number. If none of those numbers are available, i can always sign up for a new account number using the aforementioned numbers.

Why do i know that there are 5,280 feet in 1 mile? Why is it that there are 3 feet in a yard, but i don't know how many yards there are in a mile without pulling out a calculator? (1760 btw...). Then we get into conversions between different measuring systems. There are 2.54 centimeters in an inch, and 3.785411784 liters in a gallon.

I used to memorize phone numbers, but i don't anymore, because that's what my cell phone is for. But in the place of where i once memorized phone numbers, i can now tell you which number corresponds to which letter when sending a text message or saving someone's name into the phone.

I graduated in 1999, the end of the last millenium (sort of), and now it is 6/14/2006, and depending on when you read this, there are at least 3 more numbers associated with the actual time. (made you look) I have 12 buddies out of 132 that are online right now on my buddy list (why doesn't anyone use this thing anymore?).

I'm drinking a can of coke that has 140 calories out of my daily requirement of 2,000, or 6,000 if you're... uh, athletic... yeah... (fat).

My computer has 128 megs of ram (it's really old), and 80,000,000 bytes of hard drive space. It's plugged into a wall plug that offers up around 120v of power, and depending on how high i turn the dial, the speakers pump out an x number of decibels (haha, didn't think i'd break out the algebra huh?).

Season 2 of lost just ended with around 24 episodes shown and going on hiatus for 4 months. Until then, i can spend the summer season watching 14 new episodes of monk while i try to make $1,000,000.00 bucks (one of those two things isn't going to happen, and i never miss an episode of monk).

So, until next time, try to contemplate the number of calories you're intaking on a daily basis and what that means if you multiply it by 365. Make sure you get 100% of all the daily vitamins needed, and try not to intake 5000% of the fat that's needed like most people tend to do (myself included). Drive safely to work in your 30mpg car that you bought for $28,995.99 and think about how the gas prices are soon going to top $4.




Mitch Hedber's QotD:

I can't tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved. They said, "Let's call this 'something tree'," so they had a meeting. It was quite short. "How about 'Tree.'" "No." "'DoubleTree'?" "Hell YEAH! Meeting adjourned!" "I had my heart set on 'QuadrupleTree.' We were almost there!"

I met the girl that works at the DoubleTree front desk. She gave me her phone number; it's Zero. I tried to call her from here; some other woman answered. I said, "You sound older."

Friday, June 09, 2006

Posting

Sorry folks for the lack of a new post this week. I was trying to get on, but there were some issues with blogger earlier in the week. I'll make up for it with an awesome (ok, probably won't be, but still) post next week.

Until then, enjoy the WORLD CUP! w00000000000


 


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