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fabot. funny enough to read

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Did he suck out against the nuts?

The title might sound a bit vulgar, but i can assure you it's not. In fact, it is an illustration of excatly what this post is about (quite handy seeing as how it's the title, no?). Anyway, on to what the french call... le point.

Guys love talking in code. This is mainly due to the fact that they don't understand the other codes that go on in the word...(read: women). Women speak a completely different language than do men. This is why so often you hear phrases like "you just don't get it do you?" Well, no. Or the ever-so-popular: "we just don't communicate like we used to." First off, what you used to think of "communication" was actually "trying-to-get-you-in-the-sack-speak."

Because of this lack of being able to decipher the women's code of speaking, guys tend to come up with their own code as an end to feel better about their limited ability to communicate. This manifests itself in the form of using code that is generally centered around sports and other "manly" topics.

You've got phrases like "he shouldn't run that sweep on first anymore because the lb's keep filling up the gaps and our backs don't have the breaking speed to be able to hit the secondary with the necessary force to be able to get a td." Simplified, it goes something like this "stop running outside, because we can't score that way."

You've also got poker phrases like "i had the nuts until he sucked out on me on the river with a k4 off suit... damn chaser." Simplified, "i thought i had won, until that guy beat me."

It's usually really simple stuff that the guys are saying, as we as a people aren't able to think of complex, multi-meaning sayings (i.e. "if you don't know what i'm talking about, i'm not gonna tell you"). All you need to learn is the vocabulary, and it's all gravy from there... probably literally... mmmmm, gravy...



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Happy Birthday to me

To everyone who follows this blog loyally, and who is reading this, and upon reading this has realized that they forgot to wish me a happy birthday, screw you... :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The gig of all gigs...

There are lots of people with lots of talents all around the world. Of these, there are people who feel that they should be musicians or some sort of performer. It's a hard life for people who want to perform for a living though. I mean, you've got your usual suspects: limited venues, limited resources, not having the right "look," not being able to get yourself out there... the list goes on (i'm sure it does, but i can't think of anything else at this point).

There doesn't seem to always be an outlet for people to be able to get to where they want to be. There are actors that want to be on broadway, but end up in local commercials, there's the movie star that wants more dramatic roles, but only gets comedies, there's the orchestra second chair violinist who wants to be in a band, once again, the list goes on...

Musicians many times have to do what they can just to make ends meet. Especially the people who have dreams and aspirations of becoming rock stars. They sleep in the back of their vans, lugging their gear from place to place, playing for 50 bucks and a free order of fries, just doing whatever they can to make it.

To people like that, any sort of break is considered a big break. If they're given more than a bag of pretzels, they don't care what they have to do, what kind of music they have to play, just to be playing music for a living seems like a blessing.

That is... until it sinks in that they're playing backup for ashlee simpson (that's two e's there fella, don't you dare forget the second e).

So now, these lifetime musicians, who are thirty years old, but dressed up to look like they're teenagers, and their tattoos covered up, but in their stead, a leather bracelet perhaps (for them to look "punk" i suppose). Now they're humping gigs (albiet on national tv), but looking unbelievably gay in the process.

Oh that creul mistress called love. Well, at least eventually you'll feel that love right around the crotchal area when the fans of the boy band you're backing up give you groupie herpes. Until then, make sure you keep your guitar skills sharp.


Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
I was walking down the street with a friend, and he said, "I hear music." As if there was any other way you can take it in. That's how I receive it too. You're not special. I tried to taste it once, it didn't work.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Viva... las vegas.

well, this'll be my only "bloggy" post. i have to say, i had a great time in vegas with everyone, and am glad that everyone who made it, did.

it got me to thinking though, that perhaps i'm in a bit of a worse situation here than i had originally thought. i mean, it was great meeting up with friends and what not, but after dropping off the last two folks at the airport then driving back to the hotel where we had all stayed, it hit me like a ton of bricks... i know no one...

i mean, all my friends are either back east, or imaginary. imaginary friends are cool, but they can be bastards you know, with the stealing your money and all...

wow, this is a depressing post... no more!

Anyway, things i've learned on the trip:

-playing craps for over 8 hours in a day = hard on your feet/wallet
-when brian is shooting, bet big
-floors suck to sleep on if there's no blankets (even with std's) or pillows
-if you wear the same clothes all the time, you won't be repeatedly carded
-change machines are the only places where you can be assured that you'll "cash out" (that is, except the penny slots)

Once again, thanks to everyone that made it, hope to see you all again real soon...

edit #1
p.s. look for new posts on wednesdays... i'm actually gonna try to get some work done in the meantime

edit #2
my birthday's coming up in a couple weeks, so get ready to get me something!

Monday, November 07, 2005

And the single most overused term in sports is....

I think it's humorous when sportscasters, and athletes (many of whom do not have an intelligence quotient high enough to realize what i'm referring to) learn a new word. This word, eventually permeates the sporting world, becoming the greatest thing since the inception of paying for your ticket to see a game (it was hard times for the venue owners before that).

Anyway, everywhere you turn, you hear the aforementioned sportscasters and athelets trying to sound enlightened, by using words that they first heard not in school, but on espn. The word i'm referring to? Adversity.

Adversity i think is even more overused than "extreme" was a few years back, when you could buy toothpaste that was "extreme" (i tried it... and if by "extreme" they meant "expensive, but just like any other kind of toothpaste" then they succeeded wholehartedly).

Anyway, let's come up with a new word shall we? A quick search in a handy dandy thesaurus pops up these words:
bad luck, bummer, calamity, catastrophe, crunch, destitution, difficulty, disaster, downer, drag, exigency, hard knocks, hard time, holy mess, hot water, indigence, jam, misfortune, need, pickle, pinch, poverty, privation, rigor, rotten luck, scrape, straits, throe, ticklish spot, tough break, tough luck, trial, trouble, unholy mess, vicissitude, want
There's some good stuff in there. I mean, read through it again. This is what a standard blah blah blah phrase would sound with some of the better words substituted for "adversity."

"I was so proud of our team today to be able to fight through the (calamity/holy mess/pickle/ticklish spot/unholy mess/vicissitude) and come out winners"

Now, isn't that a better sentence? I thought so. And i'm glad that you, loyal reader think so as well.

I live for the day where i'll hear a football player after a huge win utter: "we were able to adapt and react to the vicissitudes that are inherent in opening up a huge can of whoop-ass on (insert team here)." Boy, that'll be the day.

Well, this column might have been better except that i had so much (destitution/misfortune/privation/calamity) to fight through, that it just wasn't quite up to par.



Mitch Hedberg's QotD:
I use the word totally too much. Whenever people ask me something I always say "totally." I need to find a new word that's different, but has the same meaning. So when someone asks me: "Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches?" I'll say: "all-encompassingly!"

Friday, November 04, 2005

Look for a new post!!!

On Monday, Monday, Monday!!!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Short Hiatus

the blog will be on about a week hiatus as i get some work done... stop laughing... seriously.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Vols Playbook.

Thought this was hilarious.....


from the boys at edsbs (everyday should be saturday, a florida gators blog).


 


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